Our summer. So far.

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We don’t talk about the night time.

Generally my rule of thumb is, if the boys make it through a night without waking more than once. We don’t talk about it. Because I don’t want to jinx myself. Silly. I know. But it seems as though, as soon as I boast about my wonderful un-interuppted sleep I had, it is sure to disappear the next evening.

So, I will NOT say that my Vincent slept through the night, only waking once for a bottle and then went back to sleep in his crib. (The crib that his brother hated, so now it is officially his.)

And I will NOT say that my Georgie slept through the night in his playpen right next to us, only waking briefly to want to come into bed with us at 5 am.

On other news, Vincent had a doctor appointment a week ago that went a little something like this.

2 1/2 months old = 16 3/4 lbs and 25 3/4 inches long.

Today he held something in his hand and put it in his mouth succesfully. He is full of smiles and coos lately. And as I said above, he has now moved into the nursery and his new bed is the crib. (With the bassinet in it, temporarily, until he feels comfortable. I’m no dummy)

The cloud is lifting.

I started my medicine this week. Zoloft. We will see how I start to feel. So far, so good.

I guess more than anything, I am trying to enjoy my sons. At night, Georgie and I have been enjoying the garden and watering and trimming and playing in the water. The weather is warm and it is so refreshing to splash in the water. Georgie is getting so good at watering all by himself. He holds the hose and waters all the plants (and grass). I am glad I taught him these things early. One day, I can tell him to go water the plants and he will be able to. I love it.

I’m afraid of the dark…

My nights. They haunt me. When you are at that point where BOTH toddler and newborn are NOT sleeping through the night, you begin to look at your nights a little different.

I don’t look forward to my nights anymore. I don’t crawl into bed and relax onto my pillow. I lay down, anxious, stiff and worried that the moment I fall asleep, is the moment that Georgie will wake up screaming and hitting me or my Vincent will want a bottle.

I turn off the light and stare into the darkness to see if Vincent is stirring under his bassinet canopy. I turn my cell phone light on and peer over into Georgie’s little cocoon of blankets, to see if he out like a light, or restless. I try and decipher based on his day, if I think he will sleep through the night or not. All the while, none of it really making any sense.

I lay on my left side. I hardly turn over. I just keep my mind focused on those two little boys and what I will do, if they wake up.

I admit, I am a professional now of keeping Vincent quiet enough to not wake up Georgie. And Vincent is becoming immune to his brothers night-time tantrums.

Everything is so much better during the day.

It’s when the night falls and I start making those bottles and my eyes start getting sleepy, that the anxiety creeps in.

And it’s the same thing. Every night.

Questions. Not many answers.

Well, Wednesday was doctor appointments for both boys! Shot for both of them, too. They handled it like champs, although there were some big tears involved. Here are the stats…

Georgie- 21 months

32 lbs- 33 1/2 inches long

Vincent- 5 weeks

13 1/2 lbs

23 inches long.

Heavy weights. Ya think?

I had a long talk with their pedi. He is amazing, don’t get me wrong. But he didn’t really tell me much that I didn’t already know. I asked him about Vincent eating so much, normal. Georgie waking up multiple times a night. No rhyme or reason to it. Normal.  Him crying and screaming. Normal.

Their pediatrician is crunchy. To say the least. His bible is ,”The happiest baby on the block”. I know this. This was a major factor in why I chose him. He and I see, eye to eye. I am dissapointed that there are no other answers for us. The only answer he had was to let him cry it out, but now that he can climb out of his crib, that won’t work.

He admitted that he and his wife, co-slept with all four of their children. It was what worked for them. He said eventually Georgie would get used to seeing his brother and get over these sleepless nights. So for the meantime, we are just making do. Our room looks like a baby emporium; stroller, bassinet, bouncie and playpen. I hope this solves itself soon.

Date Night?

Friday night was a mess. To put it lightly.

George and I never, I mean NEVER get a night to ourselves. We should do it more often, but I am assuming like most parents in the world. We just don’t get around to it, like we should.

So, I was thrilled that we finally had a date night. My mother’s day present. I wanted one night, to get a bite to eat and go to a movie. To talk about something grown-up and maybe for a few hours, not have to change a diaper or wash a bottle. A little slice of heaven.

Hazel said she would watch them for a hour and then our mother-in-law would pick up after that. The boys didn’t go down until we were almost done with Iron Man 2. Which would have made it 10:30. We got home, ate our mexican take-out and then headed off to bed as well. I was suprised when I heard Georgie whining around 1:00 am. He was soaking wet. <insert pissed off expression here> And I mean SOAKING-down to the blanket and ring out his night shirt WET. So, I changed him and of course this turned into a bigger mess than it should have. He started screaming and crying and did this, no joke, for 2 hours. From 1-3 in the morning, George and I were trying to figure out what this child wanted. Out of shear frustration, I put him in his crib to let him cry/work it out.  He cried and screamed and then before I knew it, he was busting through our door. He had climbed out. No bumps or bruises. He just got the will and climbed right out. And granted, his crib is THE cadillac of all cribs. It’s huge and built well from Canadian Pine. No match for my son.

The only thing that finally saved us, was watching Yo Gabba Gabba at volume level ONE, until he finally turned over and snuggled next to George. And of course during this, Vinnie had a feeding, also woke up soaking wet. <insert another pissed off expression and no comment as well>

So our “Date Night”, very quickly brought us back to reality and was very short-lived.

The next day followed with a morning of both of them being fussy and Georgie whining/screaming/crying/pulling tantrums/climbing out of his crib/stroller again all.damned.day.

The only thing that saved me was three beers and getting some fresh air and sunshine and letting him swim in the pool.

There is no rhyme or reason to my Georgie. It’s like a puzzle that you think you have almost solved and then you notice you are missing a piece. Just when I think I have him figured out, he throws a twig in the wheel.

After he had crawled out of his crib for the second time yesterday, all I could do was sit there with him in my lap and cry. Motherhood is SO exhausting to me sometimes. I am at a crossroads and I don’t know what direction to head in with him. So, I let it out. I haven’t cried like that in a long time. It gave me a HUGE migraine this morning, but it helped. I needed to let all that “failure” and frustration, I was feeling, OUT!

I told George that I felt like a failure. I can’t figure out my Georgie. Taking care of my newborn should be harder than this, but it’s the complete opposite. Georgie is giving me a harder time than Vinnie.

I know that I am not a failure. I am trying to tell myself this. But yesterday, it got to me. In ways that I could never describe. I felt completely inadequate.

So, today is another day. Another journey in the life of toddlerhood.

Another adventure.

pictures

 

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Long time, no Blog.

It’s been a while since I have updated the blog. Since I was about 13 weeks pregnant to be exact. Time got away with me, my focus being on my family and before you know it, Vincent is here and I haven’t blogged in months.

Well, that is going to change. My facebook has taken precidence it seems and my blog for my boys has suffered. This was started first for my boys, to document my struggles and their milestones. All those little moments that one day, will be a bit of a blur to me and to them. I don’t want to forget these moments. And it’s not particularly fair to Vincent, that I have the WHOLE first year of his brother written, but nothing for him. I am sad as it is that I didn’t blog throughout the pregnancy with him, but I guess I can always catch up.

Well here is the birth story of my Vincent.

Birth story of Senor Vincent
So, we went in on friday at 5, for the induction. Super nervous and all. They start to hook me up to the monitor and then my nurse says, that they want to do ANOTHER biopyhsical on him, to see how much he weighing. We go down there and the guy was really fast about it, estimated 8 lbs 12 oz’s and bragged that he wasn’t too far off on the weights. I was happy, because I knew I could do that. Also confirmed that my kid did NOT have a HUGE head, it was average. Go back up, they draw blood, urine and get my IV in, she checks me, and I am almost at 2,  and then administer the cytotek. I was kinda irritated at this because I had discussed wanting cervadil, but there wasn’t much I could do about it at that point. I sit there for an hour, contracting, (I had been contracting through the night.) She comes in and tells me to walk. I walk for an hour, look at the babies, and then my aunt showed up and her and george took turns walking with me. After an hour, they check me again and I was at 4.5. I contract HARD for the next few hours. I start my breathing. My doctor comes in and says she is holding off on the pitocin because I am contracting on my own. I started crying because I was so happy I wasn’t going to get it. I ask the charge nurse to come and check me, because I HAVE to be dialated more. The contractions are evil and I needed encouragement. I was still at 4.5. I was pissed. My other nurse comes in after I say that I am wet and she checks me again. I am at 6. She explains that sometimes after you are checked, there is a flurry of hormones and activity down there and you immed dialate more. The contractions were insane. I thought because I had back labor that I was golden with this labor. HELL NO!  It was horrible. At times I couldn’t even breathe thtough them, all I could do was wail and cry, and a few times I started to hyperventilate. So, I asked for the epi. Apologized to George and my Aunt a million times, (dunno why I did this, lol. ) The Anes., came in and withing 10 minutes had the epi in. I remember being so irritated because him and my aunt were discussing our irish-canadian heritage while he was putting it in. I wanted to shoot them all! lol. So, I felt the effects within 10 minutes, but I had a window on my left side, butt cheek vaginal area. It would not go numb. They had me lay on my side and after another 10 minutes, (which felt like an eternity) it went numb, and then all I had was my butt pressure as I called it.  They checked me a half hour later and I was at 8. I was turned away from the monitor, but George said I was having rolling contrax at that point and they weren’t really stopping. I felt my water break and then my doctor came in and said I could start, that I was already fully dialated. Within an hour, they set up and I started to push through my contrax. I had three contractions and out he came on the beginning of the third one. 8 and 9 apgars and he came out the same weight as G. I had a very small tear, probably because he has a WAY smaller head than G. lol. I got to see my placenta and my doctor explained it all to me. George cut the cord and I was off to recovery within an hour or so. It was a good experience. I was really glad I had the epi and glad my body clearly knew what to do once they gave me that tablet. Looks like it had already started because I was already a little dialated when I got there. A few funny things. My aunt and george discussing how they had no clue how to spell pitocin. and their “versions” of what they thought it was. The winners were, potossum, poisiedon, opossum, and I threw in a potato, poTATO, for good measure. I guess once my epi finally kicked in, I kept saying I was in pain, even tho it wasn’t anywhere near what I was in before. And I kept saying, “ouuuuuuucccccccchhhh” and george and my aunt thought that was pretty funny. I kept eating mike and ikes and choc covered raisens through my labor. My Aunt kept sneaking them to me.  and that’s about it. I am not traumatized at all from my experience. It was harder than with G, but easier in some respects, too. The end.

Vincent is a good baby. He is such a joy in my life right now. He is 5 weeks today.

Five weeks!

 

 He is JUST now starting to smile and coo. It is such a wonder to see him really start to “look” at things and try and figure them out. He is waking once at night.

His schedule goes a little something like this.

Has his last feeding around 10:30 pm

Feeding # 2 at 1:30-2:00 am

Feeding #3 at 4:30-5:00 am

His weight at birth was 8 lbs 9 oz 21 inches long

1 week weight at circumcision was 9 lbs even 21 1/2 inches

One month (6 week) appt on the 9th of June: soon to come. ( I am betting he is around 12 lbs. This boy can eat!)

Vincent is doing well. But my poor Georgie is not. This is the OTHER reason I wanted to start blogging again. I need to let this part out. I cried the whole way home from getting him yesterday, because I feel like my first born hates me.

He is having a really hard, HARD time adjusting.

The first day we brought Vinnie home, he threw a  toy car at him. Now, we laughed it off as “sibling rivalry” already beginning. But as of late, he has become very back and forth with him and us. Basically, if he sees me with Vinnie, he cries. He wants to be held, by me. ONLY me.  The first few days of this after giving birth was EX-hausting. Having to carry or pick Georgie up those first few days, had me feeling like I had no stomach muscles and that he had gained 10 pounds within one day.

Jealousy. He has it and it makes me sad. I see it in his eyes when he sees me feeding him. When I hold him. It breaks my heart.  

He won’t sleep in his room. He has to be in between George and I. This makes for a packed room. George, Me, Georgie and Vinnie. One big happy family. We have tried everything, except crying it out. I refuse to let him cry it out right now, only because he is so sensitive. I know my boy and I don’t think he will benefit from this. Call me a wuss, but I won’t subject him to it. Even though I know that my co-sleeping with him for his first year and a half may have contributed to his neediness now. His nights go a little bit like this. His sleep patterns are interrupted at least twice a night. From what? I have no clue. Does he sense Vinnie next to me? Does he have jealousy in the middle of the night. Does he want to be close to us? Is he having night terrors? He wakes up crying at midnight, pointing at his brother. (Which I have now figured out, that he wants to hold him.) He won’t let me put him in our bed, he wants me to hold him and walk around, won’ t let me sit down, lie down, nothing. Now he won’t even take a bottle to calm him down. And he screams. And screams. Throws his lovie, throws his binkie. Hits George and I.

It’s frustrating to say the least. It sounds horrible. But we all wind up yelling at each other. At midnight and three in the morning. All while Vinnie is oblivious and sleeps soundly in his bassinet.

So, because I can no longer stand the arguments between George and I. And because I can no longer stand getting mad and frustrated with Georgie, when it’s not his fault, we decided to change things last night.

We put his play pen that he was sleeping in pre-Vinnie, back besides me. Vinnie is right next to him in his bassinet. Georgie slept till 5 am with no interruptions and I was still able to do two feedings, burpings and changings with Vinnie without him waking up. I am at my wits end. I got 6 1/2 hours of sleep last night compared to our average of 4-5 and we were generally happy when we all woke up.

So, my thoughts to my Georgie…

I am sorry baby, that you are having a tough time adjusting to your brother. I know it has to make you feel left out when I have to hold your brother instead of you. But we are trying, honey, to make it even. That’s all I can do.

I remember reading all the  advice columns, when I was pregnant. On what to do when you have two under two. They all said, give the attention to the eldest. ALWAYS. The baby won’t remember. But the toddler will. Give him as much attention as you can.

So, that is what I am going to do. Give Georgie as much as I can.

I know he will be a good big brother and he will get over this soon. I see it when he wants to hold him, or when he gives him kisses. Which is why it makes these outbursts so frustrating.  He is such a sweet boy and we are all going through such a rough patch.

Mother of two.

The other night I woke up to feed Georgie, and I was thinking about something that may sound really silly, but it made me feel soooo unbelievably blessed and special. As I layed there in bed next to my first born son, holding him as he nodded off to sleep, he placed his little hand on my belly. It made me so warm and happy.  Just to know that while I am taking care of my son, I am also growing his brother or sister inside of me. I can’t quite describe the emotions, but when I carry him on my hip, knowing we are expecting #2, it just makes me beam. 

I had another appointment on thursday and I got to hear the heartbeat again, fast and quicker than mine. It was a relief to “hear” it. I am almost 13 weeks along now. My morning sickness has NOT gone away. In fact this morning, I was thinking, “Wow, I feel pretty good today”. And low and behold my morning sickness hit me around 2 o’ clock. So far it has caused me to lose 9 lbs from my last appt a month ago. So, I am trying to keep my weight from dipping more. I am definately eating, but I guess I am just not eating as MUCH as I usually would. But I also remember that I think at the most, I lost two pounds with Georgie around the same time. I wish I could say ONE thing always sounded good to me, but that would be a lie. Not much at all sounds good anymore to me. Except milk, but who can survive off of milk. But, I am sure my appetite and nausea will get better and soon I’ll be back to gaining.

A friend of ours gave us a bag full of girl clothes the other day. I went through them, washed them and have yet to put them away yet. I was shocked when I saw all of the flowers and pink and gingham. Precious of course, but gosh, I hope I don’t try and turn my daughter into a tomboy. I am just not that into princess’ and pink stuff. I’m sorry little baby in my womb. Your mama may have to raise you on baseball and mudpies instead of tea parties and dollies, baby.

But Georgie is a mischievious little guy lately. He is of course on my hip like no other, but he is running now, actually running and getting into everything. It’s quite adorable to see him take corners, too. He is fiesty. He definately has a strong character. He is starting to show a little defiance and we are dealing with that. But he is just such a smart cookie and he is so strong. Today as we watched George rinse out a cooler in the front, I held on to the screen door on the front door, so he wouldn’t go out. He pushed and pushed until he actually opened it a bit. Meanwhile I was holding on with all my strength. I think I gave birth to the hulk. I love him more and more every day. And I miss him as I sit here typing and he out and about with his little cousins and daddy.

Georgie’s First Birthday and a heartbeat!

Georgie had his first birthday party on September 17th 2009.  We celebrated at home. Grandma and Grandpa bought you balloons, (your current favorite thing) and a musical book, and we bought you a half moon baseball cake for you to dip into.

Earlier that day, you Auntie and I took you out for lunch, (or us to lunch ) and I got to spend a little time with you during my work day.  Prior to that, you had been shopping and had a full day with your Auntie.

So, that night when you dipped into your very first birthday cake, it brought back wonderful memories. All the memories of one year, somehow combined so quickly into what seems like minutes. I was so happy that you were having your first birthday with the people that loved you most.

That weekend was your party, September 19th. We had a HUGE party for you daddy! We had a bouncie, 2 pinatas, grab baggies, inflatable super bats and your Daddy bar-b-qued for all of your family. It was a wonderful night that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. You were a very blessed boy and recieved loads of gifts. You also got to dip into another cake that night. A cake that your Nino and Ruby got you. It was green and by the time you were done with it, you looked like a green HULK! You went to bed around 10:30 that night and I followed shortly after. We fell asleep together in the bed, very similar to our first night a year ago. (Although this time, I wasn’t nervous to change your diaper!)

I love you so much daddy. I am so glad you had a wonderful birthday. Even though you may not understand that ALL of that was for you. We have pictures and memories to look back on. And as long as you had a wonderful day and night, that’s all that matters to me.

 

I had another ultrasound for bebe #2, which I have decided to name, butterball at this time. I was very nervous going into that appointment, thinking that I would not see a heartbeat, (all the fears my doctor had put into my mind about a possible miscarriage.) But sure enough I saw you, my little butterball. You had grown 4 times what you were the previous week and a half. You were a big round blob, big for 8 weeks. I measured ahead, like I did with your big brother.  And there was the heartbeat. In the 160′s. I started crying out of joy and relief, because I just didn’t know what I would do if I didn’t see a heartbeat.

I was so very happy.

So far, being that I am at 10 1/2 weeks. I have only had boughts of brief morning sickness and food aversions. I have been on pregesterone like I was with Georgie and that is always fun, but I will do what I have to do.

I can’t wait for our next appointment to see our little butterball again!

Another addition…

And we are PREGNANT!

I was very hesitant to do a blog entry about this, but I am going to go ahead and do it. We are excited about it, so I am going to write about it. We found out on August 17th that we are pregnant with our second child. I took two test and they were both positive.

The hard part now is, that I measuring very small for my dates. My OB thinks that my dates are off, and I am hoping that she is correct. I have has two days of blood done and I am anxiously waiting until Monday to find out if they are good results.

I cried this morning over everything. The orders that the dr had written for me had notes on them that said, ” threatened abortion”, meaning a spontaneous misscarriage. It almost broke me. I am hoping that her reasons for writing that, was to speed up my blood work results.

But we are very excited. Very happy to bring another child into this world, so blessed to bring a brother or a sister for Georgie. George and I were “dreaming” about it the other day, and we both commented how we thought Georgie would be a “big helper” and a wonderful, “big brother”.

I think you’d take that job, very seriously, papa.

So, lets all pray, that all is well. And if not, I will accept that maybe now is not the right time for us. But I really hope it is.

To the little bean inside me, growing. I hope you grow little one. I hope I get to be your mama.

 

Georgie’s birthday is in full-planning mode! We bought all the decorations, thanks to Hazel and we are ready to go. All we need is to buy the chicken and salads and we will be good! 19 more days! I can’t wait to celebrate with you daddy!